Honestly & Truly
Dear 20 somethings,
Have you all ever had that feeling where you are skeptical to a fault? Where you accidentally stumble across something that is not recognized at first glance, overlooked at second, and a third glance, you squint your eyes attempting to understand if what it is you see is actually foreal?
Reflecting on our past is something that we all have to do at some point in our lives, some more than others. But when I look back and dissect the relationships that I have had, romantic or otherwise, I have always been entirely dependent and, to an extent, validated by them. And when they failed, I was left with some insecurities or more insecurities. Questions around why? Was it me? What did I do? Moving on from that, attempting to not become bitter and consciously shut people out from a fear of rejection or them just cutting me off. But I would find myself, in some cases, self-sabotaging. Call myself quitting them before they left me.
Our experiences definitely make us who we are, create habits in us, good ones and bad ones. In most cases, it could be hard to reverse, especially if you are entirely oblivious to the bias that lies behind your decisions. It’s always such a challenge when you’re introduced to something new and different. But the beauty lies in the things that we don’t see coming. It creates a space for authenticity and, ultimately, a true love story. To be pushed beyond the simple image of what I pictured a relationship to be into the unpredictability of what it has become.
I often think about what could’ve happened had I blocked this opportunity out, and what I would’ve missed out on, what I would’ve kept myself from. Moving forward after ending situations that have had a lasting impact doesn’t always show the side effects immediately. Only time reveals those secrets, unfortunately.
I have had a little bit of a hard time trying to deal with the secrets time has revealed to me from my past. It hasn’t been something or anything that is beyond unimaginable, but definitely things that pressure my way of thinking and how I perceive. However, I won’t allow that to disrupt my vibe (Que, “bitch don’t kill my vibe by Kendrick Lamar).
I think, for me, when writing pieces like this, the message that I attempt to convey can get lost in translation with all of the things that I want to say, and I hope that it makes perfect sense or sense in the slightest way. I sit behind my laptop for at least 17 hours (which is not right, I know) a day in an attempt to write pieces, whether it be for a class or something like this, that is meaningful, honest, and possibly something people can relate to or be inspired from. This was supposed to be a Valentine’s Day post, but it’s now 4:58 am. I hope everyone had a beautiful V-day, whether you had a valentine or not. So, the moral of the story is I found something so special when I didn’t allow my past to keep me bound in the walls, as Maya Angelou said in our “shells of loneliness.” It’s when we allow ourselves to be courageous, not ignore the fact that it might not work out and that we might get hurt, but despite that. Honestly and Truly. G’night or Good morning (whenever you’re reading this). k. love you. bye.
AlexandriaB
