The things I take with me
Dear 20 somethings,
2020, you have come, you have really fucked shit up, and now you are leaving. Can’t say that I hate to see you go, but it’s been real (insert peace signs)! Maybe more real than I expected when I counted down drunkenly at a bar in midtown last year. I imagine like this post on this blog social media in a couple of days will be filled with New Year’s resolutions and essays about what this year has brought, claims that people will be left in 2020, a new year who dis? type vibes. You know, pretty much exactly what it is I am doing right now in this blog post.
However, besides how big of a cliche this may actually be I find it extremely important as this year comes to a very long-awaited end, to take time and actually map and document how it is I feel coming out of one of the most self-defining years of my life. I have always wanted to be as transparent as possible. Attempting to push me past the insecurities that may lie on the other side of my truth.
Don’t apologize or feel insecure about your truth.
I’ve realized the insecurity that I do have is not in the actual truth itself, but around what people might make of my truth, how they might perceive me after I have put it out (which is more or less the reason I have been hesitant to take this site public). When I first began this blog the goal was and still is for me to be a resource for people in ways that offered honesty and possibly inspire them to tell their truths and stand firmly on them. Also, a way for me to be honest with myself. But to do that and to start to become secure in the decisions that I have made in the past is to accept things that can’t be changed. Finding peace in my own evolution, growth, and mistakes. Understand that you control how you react to a situation, but you cannot control the perception of your reaction from other people.
2. To be intentional is to live life to the fullest
To place purpose on my actions, my finances, my relationships, and most importantly my time. I have never been more aware of my fear of death in my entire life before this year. People that are dying are getting closer and closer to me and my age and it scares the hell out of me or it’s always been the case. Maybe I’m just more aware of it. I always speak of a clock that is forever ticking in my head, and when I think that I have rid myself of it here comes something that reminds me that it’s hiding in the crevices of my fears. To cherish those who I love, to be deliberate about what I do and who I do it with is important. If this year has shown us nothing, it has shown us that life is unexpecting, short, and it’s not to be taken lightly. I am absolutely taking that intentional vibe into 2021.
3. It’s okay to be uncertain sometimes
I am starting to find the beauty somewhere deep deep in the fact that I am not sure as to what is going to happen next. I always feel like I have to be in control because to me it’s better that I know what’s going to happen next than it is for me to be taken by surprise. I wrote in an article earlier this year that part of the reason I am so into school and so attracted to it is that it’s a safe place. I know what my role is. I know what it is I am supposed to do there, and for the most part, it’s like clockwork. You go to class, you do your homework, you study for exams, you take your exams, and you get a grade. Every semester that’s the plan, the blueprint, the game. Here we go again with the cliche lol, but I am finding that some of the most beautiful, genuine, learning worthy moments are in the things that we don’t see coming.
4. To take better care of myself
I’m sure we can all agree to the fact that self-care is a thing (Que Issa Rae and her best friend on the show Insecure saying “self-care Sunday” in unison, but self-care every day not just Sunday but you get it) and an important thing. And it’s not just for the physical body, but emotionally, mentally, allat. When the pandemic first hit, like all of us I was limited to work, home, and my damn backyard. I vibed out every single day, I drank wine, I danced in front of my camera, I sat in silence with nothing but the hum of my heater, I literally laid in the backyard on a blanket and stared at the sky for hours. It turned out to be the most therapeutic experience that I have had in a while. I kept these video diaries on my laptop to update and just talk to myself about what was going on in my head and how I felt about it. I’ve also learned that if you’re not consistent with it you lose sight of it all and fall back into what it was you were doing before.
3. Don’t do girlfriend shit, if you’re not a girlfriend
That is all based upon what you consider “girlfriend shit”. It all varies from person to person. What may be “girlfriend shit” to one person may not be the same to someone else. I have what “girlfriend shit” is in my head, but that’s just me. I’ve learned that it can look different to the person that you’re talking to, it doesn’t really matter. As long as it’s in my head on what I’m doing and not doing (boundaries). It doesn’t matter. In the words of Rick James at his last BET Award show “Never mind who you thought I was, I’m Rick James b****!” That’s enough said, lol we can move on.
4. When people show you who they are, believe them THE FIRST TIME.
People go through things that are rough and sometimes they/we adopt these unhealthy and toxic traits as a result. Although that may be something they/we are dealing with and the situation that they/we went through it doesn’t give them/us a right to take advantage of people. And then blame it on the fact that they/we were hurt and blah blah blah. That’s for relationships, romantic or otherwise. To take that traumatic experience and turn it into something that can be used for good and not evil is so important and is a sign of maturation. If I happen to be on the other side of the page where it’s being done to me, I don’t want to victimize myself. I want to turn it into something that I can use. I can still be understanding and empathetic, but it’s like; “I understand you’ve been through some things and that that experience may have caused you to be this way; however, I am not equipped right now to deal with that.” If they love you so much so past that then they might be equipped with powerful patience. If you have found that in someone then you have found a gem and that should make you want to tighten up. Either way, having a traumatic experience does not make you exempt from the rules.
5. Nothing is impossible.
A black woman has been elected into office as the vice president of the United States of America. (PAUSE)……………………………………………………………………………………………………….An outbreak of a deadly virus has completely turned our lives into a sci-fi Netflix original movie. As far as I am concerned impossible should be stricken from the dictionary. I have learned to allow myself the opportunity to welcome the “impossible”. To switch from “No, that’s never going to happen,” to “We’ll see”. We can manifest absolutely anything. The thing is, how patient can we be? How determined am I?
I take with me some new friends (s/o to a very special one named F.F.B.), leaving some old ones behind, embracing the possibility of my future, and releasing the fear that has in many situations and left me stagnant. I am not sure that 2021 is going to go anything like I want it or even need it to be, but I made it. We made it. And if it is not anything like I hope and I make it to another New Year’s to write a post such as this one, I will be just as proud to write out the negative and then right after what I have learned from it.
Happy New Year,
AlexandriaB
