Power Down
Dear 20 somethings,
So, we are 9 weeks into the master’s program. In my other blog entry, I have expressed that this has been one of the worst semesters that I have ever had. Mostly because I cannot seem to stay focused, which means I am not 100% in. The presence of procrastination this semester is unmatched. I want so bad to be into it, but I just can’t force it. As someone who has been in school for close to forever should know that procrastination usually comes with the territory; however……..the intensity of it this semester y’all is just like….. I don’t even know.
I am trying my damndest to find a solution. I am getting my assignments in on time (most of them anyway) and doing pretty good on them, but I am just waiting until the very last minute. When it comes to the reading part, I don’t even read it. It’s like who the fuck am I right now? I always read the assigned chapters and articles. Even if it takes me forever and I am up until 7:45 a.m. with 5 emptied RedBull cans no too far from wherever I am sitting, a variety pack of neon highlighters, Prada bags under the eyes (this me dressing up dark circles), a marked up not pad, and a weird and unusual burst of energy (probably the RedBulls). But the reading was done, and I didn’t get behind. But this semester, I don’t know. I think that I might be experiencing burnout. I googled what burnout meant, and it said, “a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress.” “It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands.” I’m pretty sure this is what’s going on. When does it end, though? How does it end? I can’t slow up right now. I know that I speak against the thought of a clock, but shit! It’s easier said than done. I feel like if I stop now, I’ll feel worse. I feel like I’ll be lost.
I have been taking advantage of the group chat with my classmates. They are so helpful in just being listeners, funny, kind, and genuine people. They create a community that is so welcoming and comfortable. It’s definitely great to talk to your family and friends, but it’s also good to talk to the people who are going through exactly what you’re going through, and at the same time, you’re going through it. It’s a little rough and probably going to be a bit rough tomorrow and the next day, but this too shall pass.
When I set out for these affirmations that I write about, I genuinely have intentions of attempting to reach them, but not much luck there yet. As in, they have not lasted more than a day or so. Maybe 2 days. I’m about to probably power down this laptop for tonight. It hasn’t been off in months. Besides the other morning, where it was turning on and off constantly. Probably because it hasn’t been out, pretty sure that’s why.
So, in closing, what I would like for those who are reading this that may possibly be dealing with the same shit, that has the same thought process or similar thought process as I may have to take……to try, I mean to make an honest attempt to put as much energy into self-care as we do, as I do into working or whatever else we’re consumed with.
I………the creator and writer of this here personal blog promise to take a breather, a pause, close my eyes and decompress for a moment to power down.
(Signed) Alexandria B.
