Maybe, just maybe…
Dear 20 somethings,
What’s good? What’s popping? It’s been a minute since I have been on here and wrote what’s been going on and things like that. However, I am back and ready to talk about my shit. So, in my grad school program, we are coming to the half way mark. Which means I am halfway done with this damn semester. I say that with mixed emotions because I have not been 100% this semester. I have been more so at like 65%. That is not the usual Alexandria, but I don’t know I am just not feeling it. I feel weird about not “feeling it” because this is something that I have wanted to do and pursue so long and finally doing it seems so anticlimactic. Maybe this is just me overthinking and shit like that, but what if it’s not? What if what I have had such strong feelings is not what I am meant to do?
What I am about to say next might make you want to stop reading, but know that these are all genuine and thoughts that I am experiencing.
Hear me out. So, struggling with this potential “revelation,” I did what many other Christians would do. I searched for the answers in sermons specifically about purpose and destiny. You know things that may help me figure it out? I heard a sermon that spoke about wanting things so badly that we mistake it for God’s purpose in our lives. But, so then, if that is what’s possibly happening to me, I feel like I am lost. I love to write, know how to write, know how to write well (According to me), what is this? I have realigned my “plan” to reflect my “dream,” or so I thought it was my dream. I am so confused, and I am not panicking, but I am definitely at a standstill. I am 23 years old, and of course, I don’t need to have it all figured out right at this very moment, but I don’t know. There’s a clock that’s ticking somewhere in my head.
It’s not a failure, maybe a bump in the road towards where I am going. My main focus in amidst to all of this is not to let this discourage me from either actually finding my purpose or just exploring what this feeling is. A lot of the time, I am capable of putting these absurd thoughts in my own head. I don’t know. Maybe this is just a bit of anxiety. Perhaps I am not going toward what my actual purpose is. Maybe I am perplexed about life. Maybe, just maybe, this entire experience is working for my good.
I am proud of myself for not having a complete mental break down, seeing as though by this point in the past, I would probably be cuddled up with a bottle of cinnamon whiskey listening to a bunch of plodding tempo songs. I will figure it out. We shall see what is on the road ahead for ya girl. If you have ever experienced anything like this, how’d you figure it out? What were the results? Talk to me.
