Quarantine Vibes.
May 8, 2020
I have talked about this probably more than a million times since we have been restricted to our homes, jobs, and grocery stores. I talk about how I feel this entire quarantine experience has affected me in a way that makes me better. I know that it all probably sounds trite and worn out, but this quarantine has definitely done a number on me like I'm sure it has many of us. This is not to take anything away from all of the negativity that COVID-19 has brought around the world. This is me reflecting on my experience through this pandemic and finding a dim light despite the circumstances.
I believe that throughout this quarantine we have gone through phases, I have at least. If I am being honest, the stages included; stage 1: "Y'all are doing too much," stage 2: "I mean we can just meet up, there isn't anything open," stage 3: "Maybe we don't have to do it today," stage 4: "Nah, I'm good, we can just do a group FaceTime" and stage 5: "damn, I didn't even hear my phone ring (sips wine or whatever alcohol was in my glass), but look I'll call you back later." That's all real. I was in that "y'all are doing too much" phase longer than I needed to be, but I caught up. It was a hard time transitioning to the new normal. It was mid-semester, my classes were more difficult than usual, I was going through something, and I wasn't able to really do my regular routine. Regular routine equals going every place but home so that I wouldn't have to deal with things, go to my professor's office if I had any questions about an assignment, or going to the bar to have just one drink instead of buying 3 bottles of wine (curse bar restrictions, forcing me to buy all this liquor to drink). All of these changes left me no wiggle room to attempt to keep me busy so that I wouldn't have to sit still long enough to face anything.
Once I was in the house for God knows how many days we had been in quarantine, I started to create a little series on my laptop called "Quarantine Vibes." It's basically a bunch of videos of me talking to myself expressing whatever emotion I had that day, whether it was about online assignments, guys, money, my future, insecurities, music, what I saw on the internet that sparked something in me, etc. I wanted to create a new normal that would last outside of my quarantine walls. I found it very therapeutic to talk things out (with myself to a laptop screen) and do it out loud. While I would be talking to myself, I would have these realizations, or if it wasn't while I was talking, I would go back and look at a video and think, "damn, I didn't even realize that that was what was going on, and I didn't even do all of what I was doing before the quarantine." I started to keep journals more and read books more. Y'all…… it had been so long since I laid in the bed with nowhere to go, nothing to do and just stare into space and welcome all of the silence that once was so scary for me into this paradox of quarantine vibe. I don't wanna sound cliche, but it was just a sigh of relief.
As we enter into actual phases of everything reopening, I so desperately wanna hold on to the things that I have gained while in quarantine and keep up the momentum. This year so far has definitely been like nothing I have ever experienced as none of us have. I encourage everyone, though we are starting to get back to some version of our old normal that we cherish the light that some of us may have found in this quarantine.
